5 Steps You Could Take to Agree to Disagree

I was facilitating a discussion with a team of senior people in a transportation company. The challenge I heard they were having is that they were not communicating, ideas were not being shared

or going nowhere. The problem as stated came from the VP of Operations and he wanted help fixing the problem. So he requested to have an outside facilitator conduct several meetings for him and his team.

As the team was working on table topic, brainstorming ideas and discussing solutions to the problem at hand an interesting thing happened. The VP of Operations slammed his hand on the table and said “I don’t agree with any of you, last I looked you weren’t made VP, I was, and therefore what we do should be up to me”. Wow, I think we found the problem and it was not the team members. It was a person who needed to be in control and right. Once this happened everyone shut down. I found a way to adjourn the meeting.

There is a lot happening in this situation. More than I can cover in one blog. In this case I want to address the importance of agreeing to disagree. Believe it or not, you don’t always need to be right.

Here are 5 Steps you can take to Agree to Disagreement and keep on keeping on.

1. Stay connected to the strategic agenda and initiatives of the organization. This is a place I always start with before any meeting. What is the point of even trying to have an open discussion unless it is linked to what the organization is seeking to achieve. Person mandates should be neutralized. Remember you need to focus on bridging the gap from the strategic to the tactical. This means connecting your topic with the strategic plans of the organization to provide focus for all parties.
2. Be clear on the problem you are seeking to solve and what is truly important. It is surprising how many meetings have no purpose or focus what-so-ever. Unless you have clarity to begin with you are going to go around in circles like the dog chasing its tail. Part of being clear on the challenge is being open to how people define it and be willing to learn from others. Believe it or not, teams of people provide creative ideas and solutions. The other part of this is picking your battles wisely. I learned this skill when I had teenagers and it applies to the work environment. Defining the problem and considering what is important really helps.
3. Let other people have their say without shutting them down. Sometimes people just want to have a say, be heard and then they move on. However, if you have a tendency of a) monopolizing the discussion, b) always having an opinion, c) debating or d) needing to be right then the advice is simple. Shut up and let your team talk. This also applies to the team member who falls into these categories. I know I just wrote those words (shut up) but lets face it, your team is thinking it. Help them out. Stay quiet for a little while and manage your actions, activities and verbal thoughts. Allow yourself to have an open mind to allow the conversation to progress naturally.
   

   Meetings by Jamal Fanaian – Flickr

4. Use non-violent communications. I really don’t know how else to phrase this one. Slamming your hand on the table is a violent act. So is yelling at people. Acting accordingly could trigger a heated argument. In turn something negative will transpire. Remember, what you think, you feel, what you feel you act, what you act is the results you get. You need to alter your thoughts quickly and act appropriately expressing your concerns openly in the discussion. This means making sure you are participating in a discussion.
5. Learn to agree to disagree. This is a skill that everyone should master. As I have gotten older with life experience I have learned that agreeing to disagree is all right. No matter your belief can you not respect someone for their thoughts and opinions and agree to disagree? The skill and art of this is knowing when it’s all right to disagree. Be tactful, respectful and diplomatic. Be willing to stand your ground but don’t shut the other person down because you disagree. Learn to incorporate the opinions of others and learn from them. Don’t force your opinions on others. Over time they will react negatively to your need for rightness. In essence you need to embrace the space between the lines, the difference.

Agreeing to disagree is an art and skill to master. It takes time to work on ones need to be right whether from a source of personal belief or external pressures to perform. It’s an important business and life skill that will help you on your journey to greater success. Maybe there is something in this week’s blog that will have you be better at agreeing to disagree.